Your Guide to Consistent, Effective Self-Care
Images of self-love and self-care. Your Guide to Self-Care for preventing Burnout by Dr. Allison Meins
What is Self-Care? (And what is it not?)
I know, I know… everyone is always preaching about self-care. But I’m here to help clarify between different types of self-care and which practices can lead to effective, long-lasting change.
Self-care is…
Self-care is consistently engaging in activities which allow you to recharge your batteries or pour into your own cup. Self-care is engaging in activities that give back to yourself so that you can protect your energy and resources, and show up as the best version of yourself in all that you do. Whether you want to be more effective at your job, more focused in your quality time spent with family & friends, or more present in how you spend your alone time so that you feel more fulfilled by your hobbies, the type of self-care you choose and the effort you put into prioritizing your self-care matters. The more consistently you use the self-care tools that make you feel good on a daily basis, the less burned out you’ll feel in the long run.
Self-care is not necessarily…
Self-care can come in the form of luxurious spa days, candle-lit bubble baths, or taking a vacation from your daily grind. But more often than not, self-care needs to be practical, realistic activities that you can access on a daily basis in order to keep your body, mind, emotional well-being, and spirit in balance.
Why is Self-Care so Important?
Quite simply: Because we aren’t robots.
We live in a world where we fill every second of our time and then feel guilty that we “somehow” still didn’t accomplish the twenty-five thousand things on our to-do list in one day. A robot may be able to work on hyperdrive without taking a break, but us humans have physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual needs that demand attention in order for us to show up with sufficient energy everyday.
Additionally, many of us want to be the “best” friend, the “best” student or employee, the “best” partner, or the “best” parent or sibling we can possibly be to the people who matter most to us. We think that in order to achieve this title of being the “best” in all realms of our life, we need to give more and more of our time, energy, and resources to others. The irony is that the more we give of ourselves, the more we actually need to make sure we are taking care of ourselves on a consistent basis. If we don’t engage in consistent, effective self-care, then all too often, burnout becomes a reality.
Perhaps you’ve heard this analogy before (it’s one commonly used in the world of psychology): When you’re on the airplane, waiting for take-off, and the flight attendant is reviewing the safety instructions, they always remind you to “in the event of an emergency in which the cabin loses pressure, please put your own oxygen mask on before helping others.” The reason for this is quite literally that if you do not provide oxygen to yourself first, you will not have the ability to help anyone else.
The concept of self-care is the same: if you do not attend to your own needs, it will become difficult to continue attending to everyone else’s needs. More often than not, it becomes difficult, not due to a sudden inability to help others, but out of the resentment, frustration, exhaustion, or burnout that we feel when we pour from an empty cup… or when we hold our breath while helping others access the oxygen we also need in order to survive.
In order to continue showing up, in accordance with your values, as the “best” friend, partner, student, employee, parent, sibling, etc., you must prioritize your own emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual well-being.
Now, if thinking about engaging in self-care as a means of continuing to show up for others hasn’t yet persuaded you, then perhaps it would help to think about the ultimate benefit of self-care: Taking care of yourself, for yourself. You don’t have to do this for others, but you do have to do this for yourself if you want to feel connected, present, motivated, and purposeful in your own life. (Personally, this is the number one reason to engage in self-care, but I know some of us are motivated by how self-care will impact our relationships with others…We are social beings afterall.)
So… How do I self-care?
Check in with yourself:
Ask yourself how you have been feeling, on an emotional level, lately?
Name your emotion! Get comfortable with acknowledging and naming how you feel.
A great book for helping you decipher between emotions is Brene Brown’s Atlas of the Heart, or a great app from a non-profit is How We Feel.
Check in with yourself about how you have been physically feeling lately.
How has your body been feeling?
When was the last time you checked in with your physical wellbeing?
What might your body be telling you about your need to rest, be playful, or take time for yourself?
Ask yourself what you have been “wishing for” or wanting more of in your daily life.
Have you found yourself craving more slowness in the mornings instead of the usual rush?
Have you been wishing you could sit on your porch and watch the garden grow or the birds at your feeder?
Have you been wanting to go to the gym or on a walk around the block, but keep losing track of time?
Have you been wanting to engage in your artistic craft, but been feeling stuck or low on your creative spark?
Pay attention to what you have been wanting to do more of, in order to begin brainstorming your list of activities that can serve as your guide to realistic self-care activities.
2. Prioritize YOU and your needs, by shifting your perspective on how you talk to yourself about self-care!
Rather than making self-care yet another “task” on your to-do list, remind yourself that self-care is something you want to do versus something you should/need/have to do.
3. Take Action!
Start small. Set reasonable, realistic expectations for yourself. Choose one self-care activity and start building a habit with it.
Set aside time that you protect as sacred for your self-care within your daily routines and schedule.
Allow yourself some flexibility within your routine as you learn when self-care works best for you and which type of self-care practices help you feel rested or re-energized.
What constitutes consistent, effective self-care versus “luxury” self-care?
You probably came here looking for answers. While I stay true to being a therapist who does not know the answers about you better than you, I can offer some suggestions…
Effective self-care examples:
Prioritize basic needs: Eat regularly with a focus on nourishing your body, get sufficient sleep, stay hydrated, seek consistent movement, find reasons to smile or laugh
Allow yourself to rest when you need it. (...you probably need it!)
Spend time in nature
Go on a morning or evening walk.
Practice awareness of your surroundings for at least 5 minutes a day
Talk to a friend, without multi-tasking
Deep breathe
Engage in prayer, meditation, or reflective practices
Journal (keep it short!)
Read a book for fun
Learn something new
Take a break at work, without scrolling on your phone or engaging in another “chore”-like task.
Say “no” to something that you don’t really want to do. Fill that time with something you do want to do.
Engage in play - allow yourself to be silly and tell jokes with others, play games, connect with your inner child!
etc…
“Luxury” self-care:
(Or as Dr. Allie refers to it: “Frou-frou” self-care)
Bubble baths
Expensive spa treatments
Taking an extensive vacation
Buying things in hopes that they will bring you happiness
Treating yourself to coffees or treats of some kind
etc…
Let me be clear, these “frou-frou self-care” ideas are not inherently bad. They may be VERY effective and meaningful for you. (Who doesn’t love a massage and some aromatherapy from time to time? Who would say no to a long vacation in a beautiful destination?) BUT these are typically self-care tools you will use one-in-a-while.
In order for you to keep showing up as your best version of yourself and to keep your energy flux in balance, it’s important to identify the practical self-care tools you can incorporate into your daily routines. Believe me, you’ll appreciate the gifts of consistency and flexibility you are giving yourself! Try it out!
Happy self-caring!
If you’re looking for a place to discuss an individualized self-care plan and are considering the support of a therapist to help hold you accountable to yourself, check out my website and contact Dr. Allie for a free consultation!
Disclaimer: Please note that the information offered via the Onward & Upward Blog, written and managed by Dr. Allison Meins, is not, nor is it intended to be, therapy or psychological advice. Established therapeutic relationship communications will be managed via telephone or email.
Additional resources you may want to check out:
Real Self-Care: A Transformative Program for Redefining Wellness (Crystals, Cleanses, and Bubble Baths not included) by Pooja Lakshmin, MD
Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones by James Clear
“50 Best Self-Care Ideas for Metal and Physical Wellbeing” from goodhousekeeping.com
Explore my other blog posts on Coping Tools for Managing Anxiety, Strategies for Managing Stress During Finals Week, or Setting Boundaries
